This is a little bit about what I've been thinking.
Around my sophomore year of college, I remember hearing my dad say he thought it would take me a long time to get married. I walked away feeling horrible. Later I asked him why he would say that. He told me that it was because I had a lot to offer and high standards and thought I would be his most picky child. Really wish he had just said that the first time around....
Anyway since then, I've had lots of people suggest that maybe I'm not married because I'm too picky. "But that's impossible," I always think. Things just don't work out. It's not really my fault. I just want someone who I can fall in love with. That's really not too much to ask.
Unless....you are only willing to fall in love someone perfect.
When I started thinking about the things I didn't like about guys, my list included traits like being too serious, not being serious enough, being too short, being too tall, being too skinny, being too heavy, being messy, being too nice, not being nice enough, being too old, too young, too athletic, not athletic enough, too pretty, not good-looking enough, not exercising enough, exercising too much, too obsessed with money, not worrying about money at all, too stylish, no style, obnoxious, boring, not spiritual enough, and the list goes on and on.
I go on sooooo many first dates and then I say that I gave them a chance. Sometimes if I'm willing to try extra hard, I'll go on more than one and call it good. Truthfully, in the first five minutes of the first date or even meeting them, I mentally decide there is no way. I rarely ever give them much of a chance or better put, give myself a chance to like them because of some unimportant flaw. I jump to conclusions thinking that if they are too short, our kids will have no chance in life. Or that if they are messy, it will be the downfall of our entire relationship, and we'll wind up divorced with three kids. Or that if they were too serious on the first date, I'll sit around bored with no laughter the rest of my life while I stare at our socially-awkward, dull kids who learned to be that way from my all-too-serious husband.
Yeah....slow down, crazy girl.
I don't give guys an honest chance very often. I think that if I notice something I don't like then right away, there's no chance of life with them ever being happy. However, occasionally, when the timing has been right and I've been willing, I do try. I might have been annoyed right off, but the more I got to know them, the more I've discovered things that make that person great. True, that's never ended in marriage, but it's come much closer than a first date.
I always say that I don't want someone perfect, but I've created this unreal expectation that I think came from every guy that I've dating combined. I've dated the guy that is just the right mix of serious and funny. I've dated the guy that was the perfect combination of spiritual and real. I've dated the guy that seemed to perfectly balance work and fun. I've dated the "perfect" looking boy, the "perfectly" smart boy, the perfect boy to bring home to mom and dad, the perfect boy to bring to a party. I've dated A LOT. Each one had their strengths, but they also had their weaknesses. No one boy will have all of those qualities, and I would be upset if anyone expected me to possess all of them either.
So I'm trying to give up perfection. I'm going to try harder to give guys the benefit of the doubt until I'm given reason enough to doubt the benefit. I'm giving up on the idea of finding the perfect fit. It's my choice. There's no such thing as a perfect match. I'm going to try to find a human that I can marry, have adorable children with who might be too short or too tall and who will develop flaws that they learn from BOTH of their parents, and work to be happy the rest of my life.
I'm not saying this will work, and I'll be married in 6 months. I'll continue to have faith in the Lord's timing. Even if this doesn't help me get married in this life, I'm one step closer to loving people with all of their weaknesses, failings, and strengths.
Bob Marley apparently thought the same way that I do. I don't know if that's a good sign or not. Please disagree with me if I'm wrong on all of this because I'd love to know.
"He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist."
