Happiest Day

Just so we never forget this. On the worst day of worst days, this could still make me smile.

TMJ Disorder

This is not my usual post, and you don't have to read it. Scott suggested that I write this to help other people since it was difficult to find answers sometimes. Skip this unless you either have TMJ Disorder, are weirdly interested in it,  or have some sort of other chronic pain. 

At the end of May, I found out that I had what is commonly known as TMJ. At first I was actually relieved because I thought that I had a cavity which I definitely didn't want. I knew people with TMJ, and it seemed like no big deal- just a little jaw clicking. I would find out soon that wasn't the half of it and actually doesn't have to be a part of it. 

So what is TMJ? TMJ is the common name for temporomandibular joints which are the jaw joints and are located in front of the ears, where the lower jaw is attached to the skull. They are the most frequently used joints of our body, and their function is responsible for the most elementary needs - eating, chewing, talking, yawning, and general mouth/mandible movement. What I have really isn't TMJ. It's a disorder of the TMJ, or TMJD.

My left TMJ is actually in good, functioning shape. My right TMJ is a whole different story. Most of the story has something to do with pain, lots and lots of pain. Basically, I have bruised roots in my teeth, a sprained jaw, and muscle spasms that got bad enough they were affecting my neck and back as well. It caused a lot of headaches and earaches.

The natural thing to do when you're in pain is try to get rid of it, so I went to the Internet to look for answers. I found some suggestions, but along with some ideas, I found A LOT of discouragement. I found out people were living in chronic pain bad enough that they couldn't work anymore. Some developed drug addictions. Some got divorced because they were no longer the same person. Lots of awful stories that I didn't want to hear. I just wanted a way to feel better. Every time I would look for answers, I'd put the computer down in tears because pain is a scary thing. And it was bad, bad pain.

Scott naturally couldn't handle seeing me this way, so he decided to do research so I didn't have to. We've finally found some things that work. Some things are just having to become habits. Other things are doctor's visits, and there's nothing cheap about any of it. Different things seem to help different people, so I'll put down all of the things that I found and which ones have helped me. 

1. Magnesium- This is the least invasive and cheapest. I take a brand of magnesium called Natural Calm. It tastes just okay, but you get other health benefits with this, so it's a good thing to take. Even if it's just for prevention. Other ways to get magnesium are raw dark chocolate (or just dark chocolate if you don't care about sugar) and Epsom salt baths. I can't say it got me out of pain, but I'm mostly using it because most people with TMJ have a magnesium deficiency. 

2. Essential Oils- These actually did help with the pain. A lot of pain I was having was from muscle spasms, so I used peppermint, basil, and lavender. For a little while it was just my teeth hurting before things got really bad, so I used clove oil to numb it. That worked for a while but eventually didn't help once I started getting more muscle pain. 

3. Massage Therapy- I would try to find a massage therapist that knows about TMJD and has worked with patients. It's actually not hard to find because a lot of people have TMJD. This helped a lot. About an hour after my jaw started to hurt again, but I'll use essential oils and massage myself to decrease the pain. This is not a feel good massage though. This is a more pain to get out of pain kind of thing. You have to press harder than you think and want to. You can do a google search that will help you know where to push. 

4. Acupuncture- This has helped me more than anything. It has seriously been a miracle worker. I've said many prayers of gratitude since then. It's made most of my pain go away actually. I can do most things now without pain. Anything cold hurts it again, but I can usually massage it and wait it out. If you haven't tried acupuncture, do it. I get that it's expensive but so worth it. If you can't get into an acupuncturist, you can also find your acupressure points around your ears, under your jaw, and on your temples and press hard. Hold for about 10-30 seconds. Again a quick google search could probably teach you how to do this better than I could. Also you can take something small like a mechanical pencil tip or maybe your pinky finger, just something tiny, and press in those spots 5-6 times hard.   (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTKqvaY84G4) 

5. Chiropractor- For some people this is a life-saver. I'll admit it doesn't seem to have helped me much, but it's hard to know. It might be helping, and I'm just not aware. I've gone to two different chiropractors. One of them used ultra sound. That really helps some people. Either way they can adjust your neck and back and maybe show you some things you can do to make you feel better. 

6. Turmeric root- You can find capsules of this at most health stores or at Costco. It is supposed to help with inflammation. This is another small thing I've been doing not because I can tell a significant difference, but because I was starting to take too many painkillers, and it was causing other problems. Also, they weren't really working. Speaking of pain killers- Tylenol and Percocet did nothing for me. Ibuprofen helped some at first. Excedrin helped for a little while. I had to go to the ER one night because I hadn't slept in a long time and Percocet was doing something weird to my system. They gave me an anxiety pill called Ativan because it also doubles as a sleeping pill. It did okay. I'd eventually fall asleep at like 5 am, but at least it helped me sleep which was better than nothing. 

7. Antibiotic- I mentioned that my roots of my teeth are bruised. I don't understand it. When I looked it up, it was a technical article that was meant for dentist. They referred to them as sprained teeth and said every dentist might due something different. Some of those things were very invasive. One of the least invasive was an antibiotic which is what my specialist gave me. I think it's helped. 

8. Heat and Ice- Ice helped me more for pain. Other people say moist heat helps them more than anything. Try both. Ice helped me enough that I would drink cold water all of the time- like I carried a bottle around everywhere I went, and it got me through. It was super weird. After acupuncture cold water hurts. Again, try both. See how it goes. 

9. Sleep propped up- I had a lot of pressure on my ears when I would try to lie down. I couldn't sleep because it hurt too bad. I started propping myself with pillows that held me up. That helped. 

10. Keep your tongue on the rough of your mouth right behind your teeth and remember to relax your face regularly. This kind of speaks for itself. You could also try putting your tongue between your front teeth if you clench during the day. 

11. Stand up straight. Your posture can affect your jaw as well. So make sure you tuck your bum in and keep your shoulders back. If nothing else, you look better doing this as well as if you are having back pain like I was, it helps with that. 

12. Orajel- Like I said my teeth and gums were killing me, so in order to sleep if would do what the dentist does when he's numbing you. I put some on a q-tip and stuck it in my mouth. It made it numb enough that I could sleep. 

13. Night guard and a bite splint- This is actually the worst because insurance doesn't cover any of this. Jaw pain is exempt on most insurances. Often the few doctors that are on insurance recommend surgery, and surgery is a last, last, last resort. It's all quite expensive. The night guard keeps you from clenching your jaw at night if that's what you do (which is probably what you do). It makes is so it doesn't get worse because you can end up with bone and nerve damage and those two things leave you with fewer options. The day splint/ active splint basically helps move your jaw where it needs to be. I think I've decided this actually is helpful because it fixes the underlying problem. It doesn't just get you out of pain. My first priority was getting rid of pain, and this didn't do it. It makes it so that you don't get worse problems down the line though. 

14. Don't do anything crazy. Like I mentioned before, surgery is a last resort. Go to a different doctor/ dentist if the first thing he recommends is pulling a bunch of teeth or breaking your jaw. 

15. Keep a positive attitude. I didn't do this very well by myself. I needed Scott's help with this more often than not. I did my best, but I couldn't keep it up alone. As much as you don't want to, get out of the house occasionally. Often doing something or being with people made me less aware of the pain. It helps to not just lay in bed and think about it all day even though that is what you will have to do sometimes to get through. 

Marital Bliss

This month Scott and I will have been married a year. It's been an absolutely wonderful year. The ups and downs of life have still been there, but he helps me carries those burdens better than anyone I could imagine. I love being married. It's my favorite thing. I love being able to serve someone and learning to put his needs before mine. I love being taken care of and complimented and having my best friend by my side. We've worked through problems together at times and laughed so hard at other times we had to catch our breaths. Life is beautiful!

I was thinking about the Lord's timing today and how the life I had only ever dreamed about has all come about. I was talking to a friend several months back and we discussed that my last blog post was about not trying to find the perfect guy anymore. It was about giving someone more of a chance and giving myself more of a chance to like someone. I think it was actually one of the smarter realizations I've made in dating. Towards the end of the post, I wrote, "I'm not saying this will work, and I'll be married in six months.  I'll continue to have faith in the Lord's timing. Even if this doesn't help me get married in this life, I'm one step closer to loving people with all of their weaknesses, failings, and strengths." 

Six months was the amount of time that I put down because it was basically impossible and would be too fast unless I was dating someone then- which I wasn't. During this conversation with my friend, she pointed out that I was married almost 6 months later because just 4 days after I posted my problems with dating and how I felt I should go forward in the future, I met Scott Knudson- this dream boat that had just been hanging around Provo. 


I had recently moved to a new area and ward by Seven Peaks in Provo that has historically been known for housing some of the more stuck-up kids. This area had a bit of a reputation, but I had several friends living there who I thought highly of and therefore, thought that it couldn’t be so bad. And it wasn’t. I made a handful of acquaintances- one of which was my now-husband’s roommate. 

See...? Big hair AND cute

One day I was chatting with him in the presence of Scott and instead of smiling at me or introducing himself, he just looked at me. For whatever reason, that was irritating. He had big hair and he was cute and aloof. I had been in a Sunday School class he taught and based off that, I had no doubt that he was confident and well-spoken. If I put all of those ingredients together, it was a recipe for conceit.....but he was cute. 

After Relief Society that day, I was chatting with some friends before our next meeting, and I saw Scott sitting down in the lobby just kinda listening in to people but not talking. I had my dad’s head in my voice reminding me we were a friendly family and to be the one to start the conversation. I walked up to him under the assumption that I knew enough people he knew that we basically already knew each other and said something like, “We kinda know each other, but we haven’t formally met. You’re Scott Knudson. I’m Joy Bennett. So now it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable anymore.” The trouble was even though I knew exactly who he was, he honestly had no clue who I was. I figured this out pretty quickly and tried to backpedal, but as I often do, I backed into a not so smooth place. I tried to explain that I had seriously dated someone whose last name was Knudsen, and that’s how I had remembered his name, not because I liked him. It had just stuck in my head. I was still feeling weird about knowing his full name and him not even being aware he had seen me before because the truth was I mostly remembered it due to attraction. When I finally decided I should stop talking because I had had this entire conversation with myself and he hadn’t said anything, I just looked at him. He was, to my relief, just smiling, and said, “So basically I’m already disqualified.” I took a breath, said, “Completely,” and we skipped the last hour of Church talking. 

I learned pretty quickly that while Scott did indeed have pretty big hair and is actually very confident, he is far from stuck-up. That was just his MO. 

    

Our first picture- at the LA temple

A few weeks later he invited himself on a trip that I was taking to California and took up the practice of putting thoughts in my head that we were dating. When I could admit we were dating, he convinced me that we were serious. And when we were serious, he convinced me to marry him. And I’m convinced it’s the best decision I’ve ever made and will ever make. 


With the exception of Christmas Eve, we saw each other everyday after that until July 19th when we were married in the Draper temple. I guess that's how you get married in 7-ish months. 

I'm not saying I finally got married because I had it all figured out. It was still in the Lord's timing, and I know I was incredibly blessed. Sometimes I wish I had some easy  wisdom to impart to my friends and family who aren't married. I don't. Contrary to what some people would have you believe, there's no secret to getting married. However, there are a few good principles that can help you move in that direction- some of which I finally figured out in December 2013. 


Recently Elder Bednar did a live question and answer session with the youth. There was something he said that I immediately recognized as truth because it was our story put into wise words. 


Sister Bednar said, "People don’t fall in love. You pick someone with whom you can create the love that you desire. We didn’t just fall in love at first sight. And many people think that’s how it’s done—that you just look at someone and you know they’re the right one and that you’re going to fall in love and get married, but it took some time. I encourage youth not to just go on a date with one person one time and say, ‘oh, that person’s not for me.’”

Elder Bednar followed up by saying, “The word ‘love’ is both a verb and a noun . . . . Sometimes, we think we have to have the feeling—the noun—before we start doing love—the verb. I don’t want this to sound unromantic, but the feeling follows the [action]. We find people all around the world who think [they] have to find the one . . . . More correctly, you have to become the one . . . through what you do.”

I wish I could say when I first saw Scott, I felt something different. Heck, I wish I could say while we were dating I felt something different. Mostly, I wish when he proposed, I had cried happy tears and my mind hadn't been racing while I prayed to be sure. But that's not my story. I don't mean to make it sound completely unromantic because while I grappled with knowing what to do, I was also having fun and had many moments of feeling very much in love. More than anything though, we had to day by day create our love- we didn't just find it. In our case, the feeling very much did follow the action. There were no proverbial fireworks or magical feelings. Instead, it was steps that were occasionally uninspired by romance and actions that were generally geared toward service that were taken that created the kind of friendship that is worthy of daydreams and swoons. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Because that's how I married my best friend.